she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
