Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
