First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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