you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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