I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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