The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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