you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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