ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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