I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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