this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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