Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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