I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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