Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
