Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
