It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
