sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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