i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
