the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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