Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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