I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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