I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
