are you still at the devil's house?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
