so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
