I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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