mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
