He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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