4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
...so i touched it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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