I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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