Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
