I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
