he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
