Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
