I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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