everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
