and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
