Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
