So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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