I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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