So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
