Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
