Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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