I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My ass is underappreciated
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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