she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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