If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
