i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize