is your mom at the bar?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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