somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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