If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
