Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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