Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Your mouth is God's brothel.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
