the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
