I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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