I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
