Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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