So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
