i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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