Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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