Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
