Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
