Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
