I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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