Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
