just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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